The end of 2011..... On with 2012!

So tonight marks the end of another year. Some of you will be celebrating with loved ones, friends, etc. Some of you are celebrating alone. Some of you are working and can't partake at all in the festivities. Tonight, I'm working alone until 7am, then I will continue working until 5pm tomorrow evening. Every year, I have written things I've learned throughout the year and things I look forward to in the coming year. So here it goes: Enjoy! Things I have learned in 2011:
- You're never too old to have fun, and pursue interests that continue to help define who you are.
- Despite rough patches and space, if you really love someone it doesn't matter what you go through as long as you continually work at it to make it better, so there are more smiles and less tears.
- There will be a person or people who come into your life to remind you of the person who you used to love to be and through that memory, you learn not to settle for whatever and you strive to become better.
- No matter what upsets, interruptions, and hiccups life throws your way, it always will lead to something better and stronger than you could ever hope for.
- Cherish every relationship you have and take the time to nuture it, for you never know when it's their or your time to move on and you never want to have regrets of what wasn't said or done.
- Family is and will always continue to be the most important thing in one's life (blood or chosen), love them and never let anyone put them down.
- The end of 2011, like every year is an opportunity to keep all the bad times in memory, but keep it just that as a memory and start the new year over on a clean slate....

Things that I hope to accomplish in 2012:

* I'm still on that journey to lose weight, however, I'm not going to say, " This year I'm going to lose X amount of pounds." Instead, I have in mind a different goal, I've decided that I'm going to fit into a size 8 by December 31, 2012. I figure that way it's not so stressed.  I'm going to join a gym, and try to exercise everyday.... I want to do more swimming
* I want to be in a house this year, and have moved to Las Vegas, NV!!!
* I'm going to be there more for my family this year
* I'm going to nurture my friendships more so they become stronger by the end of the year
* I want to be well on my way to either being pregnant, or have a plan to become pregnant by year's end
* I want to be a better wife
* Find a way to be in a career where I'm utterly happy, despite the money
* To become more financially secure by having money in savings, so I'm not stressed out this year at all!
* Put enough money away for vacations (Yes, you read that correctly! I want to take at least 2 vacations this year!)
* Have enough money so we can have nights out (i.e girls night out, date night, etc)
* Re-learn piano!
* (If I get the money for it!) Learn to play Guitar! So I can play with my niece Isabel!
* Keep up my ASL and Spanish speaking!
AND FINALLY..... Keep myself in positive spirits, Love more, and enjoy the year's adventure no matter where it may take me! :-)
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. - Mark Twain

Life and Death

So, Tue, my father had a yearly cancer checkup and it was discovered that he had an 8 mm mass on his lung. So as it stands right now, the doctors aren't sure what it is, so they are going to figure it out. I hope it's soon.... This brings me to my next point, life.... Since next week is Thanksgiving I decided to post what I am thankful for during this seemingly depressive time. I am thankful for supportive friends, and my spouse. For if it weren't for them, I don't know how I would function from day to day.... Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday from the smells to the family and sights..... But I think this year I will definitely thoroughly enjoy every minute of the holidays this year even more, well at least until we find out whether my father will be around for when I have my own children. See everything, my moving plans when, baby plans, etc  is dependent on the findings of my father's mass. See, Shane and I are wanting to get pregnant next year, in order to do this I want to lose weight because I want to have a healthy pregnancy. However, if it turns out to be that the cancer is back and it turns out to be metastatic then unfortunately, on all sides of the issue, yours truly will be staying put until the bitter end. This will further separate my family even further. What makes this so interesting and such a heavier weight on my heart is because I read cards you see, and my cards predicted a death of a family member by next spring.... I never did a further reading to see who it was referring, mainly because I didn't want to know. But I'm guessing we shall see by spring if they were right. I know cards are supposed to be a guide, but, every now and then there will be a direct prediction and it's very rare that my readings have been wrong. However, despite all this darkness, fall and winter are passages of death and endings. With spring comes new life and birth.... This Thanksgiving when you sit and enjoy your feasts relish the quality time with treasured friends and family, for it may be the last time you get that. Happy Thanksgiving, may you count your blessings and stuff yourself silly!

Childish games.....

Does it ever amaze people when the get deeply upset because you try and correct them on an inappropriate comment? One of my friends got so upset when I told him I wasn't too happy when he commented gay on my heartfelt status about my anniversary of meeting my husband. Apparently, he got so offended and since then he hasn't really spoken to me. I mean he's my friend and we've been friends for a very long time, since high school in fact. I just don't understand this at all, I thought being friends meant giving a person the security to be truthful at times when something they said bothers you. I mean, friends are supposed to be this wonderful addition to one's life by providing support, bringing courage and strength at times, and there for a good laugh and smile when you're down in the dumps. They just bring something to the table that no other type of relationship could bring. You could even say that they become a very intricate part of our lives, that if they were to leave, it would sadden us because there's a void that has been left in our hearts. But even sometimes no matter how badly we don't wish for them to go, sometimes they just have to, whether or not we understand it our why. But when they do, they will forever leave an imprint on our heart and life. So again brings me back to my opening, does this mean with them acting as such, it may be time to say farewell? I guess in time, it will be revealed. Have a blessed day.....

End of school days?

So I went to my college to get my books and supplies for next quarter which starts in a couple of weeks. Since I have student loans, I use that money to pay for those things before the quarter starts. As I'm going to checkout, the bookstore clerk tells me there's no money on my account and so I have to speak with financial aid. So with husband in tow, we went to the student services to wait in annoyance to get this money put on my account. I get called in and I proceed to speak with the counselor. What everyone failed to tell me is per my college's financial aid policy, once you reach a certain point they will suspend your financial aid, simply because it's like ok, you've taken the maximum amount of credits for your particular program . Of course if I wish to continue on with my education, without the loans, I can do so, however I don't have the luxury of disposable income to do so like most independent students don't. So per the financial aid advisor, I now need to file an appeal. I won't find out what their judgement is until the 2nd. In this appeal I need to explain why I want to continue school and use the rest of the loan money to take care of it. Granted, I have successfully passed all classes needed in order to graduate with my general studies associates, however I did want to take these classes for two-fold: one- the classes I took next quarter would either ensure that I stick with my plan, or give me confidence in changing my degree program. And two- it would allow me by staying in school to at least defer my loan for a little longer than 6 mos, whereas if I graduate, I have 6 mos from the end of classes before I have to start paying. I think the worst part is waiting for resolution. What makes me so frustrated about this is we as a society are set on the belief that from the time we are little we should know what we want to do for the rest of our lives to be the productive citizens we're bred to be. What about people like me who have such a passion for life that we get bored so easily that it's hard to decide on one thing to do that defines us our will, rather, for the rest of our lives. Why should it be just one thing that summarizes our legacy? There's just so many interests in my life that I love and have a passion for that I just don't want to be put in one niche or place for the rest of my life. Our careers should never define who we are, it's what we do with our lives that should. And if that wasn't enough to make my heart sink, I got into it with one of my coworkers. This woman along with her niece, are two of the worst brown-nosing, two-faced, bossy, tattle-tails at my job. These two believe that if they tell you something that needs to be done, that it should be done right that minute. So the woman comes over and tells us about trash day, I tell her ok and thanks. Then this woman proceeds to hover in the house I'm working in for 5 mins, giving this look like you should do it now. So I just proceed to ignore her. Towards the end of the shift, about 15 mins left, one of the other people in the house (I'm cool with this chick), "reminds" me about the garbage, of ask if it's the woman who's behind the reminder, she says yeah and then I proceed to say that it just follows suit that she would. So she hears it and proceeds to confront me about it. So of course, you come at me like I'm beneath you and you talk to me like I'm some sort of an incompetent person. So I bring this up and then she snaps back, and says that she's not trying to be bossy, etc. I then proceed to tell her otherwise. She then storms off. I just can't stand people like that. I'm not an idiot, I know what my job entails, and I cannot stand people trying to act like my boss, especially when they don't sign my paycheck nor are my supervisor. I'm never the one to gossip about people or start problems with anyone, but don't step up to me like you wanna get mad because I'm speaking the truth. A peaceful word to my faithful readers, never let anyone come to you and put you down or talk to you like you don't know something. Always learn as much as you can about whatever you can, it makes you more cultured and intelligent, and intelligence will always not only put you above the average who want to live in mediocrity, but will also put those who are like those two women who do nothing but cause trouble in their places because their dense and have no vision of the bigger picture. And knowledge is power. Have a blessed day...

New avenues of passion.....

So school is finished for the quarter and I finally have to say that although I'm glad to be finished with the class, I still have next quarter to get through. So in this quarter I decided to sign up for some culinary courses this quarter, and yep, yours truly is starting out at the bottom. It is my hope that maybe I'll find some real passion. Now it's also my hope that when I move down to Vegas in Jan, I'll be able to sign up for the semester and take more cooking classes to continue where I left off or who knows, maybe start again. Out probably wouldn't take that long to obtain a second degree in the culinary arts. I guess it's just exciting to me to have that passion to constantly want to learn new things, whether it be a new language, skill, or just some basic education, I'm always putting what I learn to good use. It's my intention that it never stops even in this school of life, because the day you stop learning is the day you die. Never forget that faithful readers.... Have a blessed day....

Buh-Bye fatty.....

So lately, I've been angry. Life has been really making me mad. And depressed. I feel like I'm completely unsatisfied with every avenue. I've wanted to blog more and I've gotten so much busier that it seems almost impossible for me to get that accomplished and I have to take my opportunities as they come. I'm fat. I'm completely unhappy with my body. I also feel that because of these things it has taken a toll on my relationships. I just find lately that I'm irritated with everyone, but more especially Shane. This is not how it should be. I used to have this ides that once you're married, you should have this absolute connection with your spouse. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband very dearly and when he goes away I miss him when he's gone. So to add to it all this is making me sad and feel ever so slightly that I'm losing my mind. So I've decided to say goodbye to some things this weekend and honestly, I'm starting to perk up and feel better about what I've decided to let go of. First, I wanna say buh-bye to negativity. You have done nothing but make me depressed and bring me down constantly. Now I wanna say buh-bye to anger, you have made people who I hold near and dear to my heart hurt and feel strife/grief. It's not right to hurt and disrespect those we love and care about. Next I wanna say buh-bye to stress. You have done nothing but made me irritable. From now on I will leave the worry where it belongs, for another day. Will it affect me in 5 yrs? If the answer is no, it can be left alone. Finally, I want to end my goodbyes to my former before self. I will never call you fat because you were comfortable in your own skin, but now it is time for change to get to where you wanna be. Sometimes even if we're comfortable, in order to get to our next life phase, we need to get uncomfortable... So farewell to all my old security blankets, may you all rest in peace. And finally, I will say hello to my future because now, it only looks bright and blessed.... Have a blessed day.

Freedom doesn't come freely.....

and yet, everyone seems to think it does. I'm not immune from this thought from time to time, but I do appreciate from the bottom of my heart, everything our service men and women do for this country so that we are able to speak and do things freely. I often wonder do extremist groups like the westboro baptist church realize that when they protest soldiers' funerals. It makes me sad and angry at the same time that people can be so disrespectful. It just makes me wonder how a country that was founded on their belief that everyone should be able to worship the way they see fit without persecution. And with the way this country has developed with so many hate groups of this and that, groups who hate the government, groups who hate other religions because it's not the "right" religion. What the hell does all that mean? Who gave anyone the right to judge simply because it's not your way? As the quote goes, "turnabout is fair play." But enough of my tirade on the inequities of the human race, this 4th of July let's for one simple day, or even moment that it was because of people tiring of a monarchy and troops who vowed to protect this country from enemies, both foreign and domestic, that we're able to fire up our grills, light fireworks, partake in adult beverages, relish in quality time with loved ones, family, and friends. Have a blessed day and a very safe 4th of july weekend!