The end of 2011..... On with 2012!

So tonight marks the end of another year. Some of you will be celebrating with loved ones, friends, etc. Some of you are celebrating alone. Some of you are working and can't partake at all in the festivities. Tonight, I'm working alone until 7am, then I will continue working until 5pm tomorrow evening. Every year, I have written things I've learned throughout the year and things I look forward to in the coming year. So here it goes: Enjoy! Things I have learned in 2011:
- You're never too old to have fun, and pursue interests that continue to help define who you are.
- Despite rough patches and space, if you really love someone it doesn't matter what you go through as long as you continually work at it to make it better, so there are more smiles and less tears.
- There will be a person or people who come into your life to remind you of the person who you used to love to be and through that memory, you learn not to settle for whatever and you strive to become better.
- No matter what upsets, interruptions, and hiccups life throws your way, it always will lead to something better and stronger than you could ever hope for.
- Cherish every relationship you have and take the time to nuture it, for you never know when it's their or your time to move on and you never want to have regrets of what wasn't said or done.
- Family is and will always continue to be the most important thing in one's life (blood or chosen), love them and never let anyone put them down.
- The end of 2011, like every year is an opportunity to keep all the bad times in memory, but keep it just that as a memory and start the new year over on a clean slate....

Things that I hope to accomplish in 2012:

* I'm still on that journey to lose weight, however, I'm not going to say, " This year I'm going to lose X amount of pounds." Instead, I have in mind a different goal, I've decided that I'm going to fit into a size 8 by December 31, 2012. I figure that way it's not so stressed.  I'm going to join a gym, and try to exercise everyday.... I want to do more swimming
* I want to be in a house this year, and have moved to Las Vegas, NV!!!
* I'm going to be there more for my family this year
* I'm going to nurture my friendships more so they become stronger by the end of the year
* I want to be well on my way to either being pregnant, or have a plan to become pregnant by year's end
* I want to be a better wife
* Find a way to be in a career where I'm utterly happy, despite the money
* To become more financially secure by having money in savings, so I'm not stressed out this year at all!
* Put enough money away for vacations (Yes, you read that correctly! I want to take at least 2 vacations this year!)
* Have enough money so we can have nights out (i.e girls night out, date night, etc)
* Re-learn piano!
* (If I get the money for it!) Learn to play Guitar! So I can play with my niece Isabel!
* Keep up my ASL and Spanish speaking!
AND FINALLY..... Keep myself in positive spirits, Love more, and enjoy the year's adventure no matter where it may take me! :-)
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. - Mark Twain

Life and Death

So, Tue, my father had a yearly cancer checkup and it was discovered that he had an 8 mm mass on his lung. So as it stands right now, the doctors aren't sure what it is, so they are going to figure it out. I hope it's soon.... This brings me to my next point, life.... Since next week is Thanksgiving I decided to post what I am thankful for during this seemingly depressive time. I am thankful for supportive friends, and my spouse. For if it weren't for them, I don't know how I would function from day to day.... Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday from the smells to the family and sights..... But I think this year I will definitely thoroughly enjoy every minute of the holidays this year even more, well at least until we find out whether my father will be around for when I have my own children. See everything, my moving plans when, baby plans, etc  is dependent on the findings of my father's mass. See, Shane and I are wanting to get pregnant next year, in order to do this I want to lose weight because I want to have a healthy pregnancy. However, if it turns out to be that the cancer is back and it turns out to be metastatic then unfortunately, on all sides of the issue, yours truly will be staying put until the bitter end. This will further separate my family even further. What makes this so interesting and such a heavier weight on my heart is because I read cards you see, and my cards predicted a death of a family member by next spring.... I never did a further reading to see who it was referring, mainly because I didn't want to know. But I'm guessing we shall see by spring if they were right. I know cards are supposed to be a guide, but, every now and then there will be a direct prediction and it's very rare that my readings have been wrong. However, despite all this darkness, fall and winter are passages of death and endings. With spring comes new life and birth.... This Thanksgiving when you sit and enjoy your feasts relish the quality time with treasured friends and family, for it may be the last time you get that. Happy Thanksgiving, may you count your blessings and stuff yourself silly!

Childish games.....

Does it ever amaze people when the get deeply upset because you try and correct them on an inappropriate comment? One of my friends got so upset when I told him I wasn't too happy when he commented gay on my heartfelt status about my anniversary of meeting my husband. Apparently, he got so offended and since then he hasn't really spoken to me. I mean he's my friend and we've been friends for a very long time, since high school in fact. I just don't understand this at all, I thought being friends meant giving a person the security to be truthful at times when something they said bothers you. I mean, friends are supposed to be this wonderful addition to one's life by providing support, bringing courage and strength at times, and there for a good laugh and smile when you're down in the dumps. They just bring something to the table that no other type of relationship could bring. You could even say that they become a very intricate part of our lives, that if they were to leave, it would sadden us because there's a void that has been left in our hearts. But even sometimes no matter how badly we don't wish for them to go, sometimes they just have to, whether or not we understand it our why. But when they do, they will forever leave an imprint on our heart and life. So again brings me back to my opening, does this mean with them acting as such, it may be time to say farewell? I guess in time, it will be revealed. Have a blessed day.....

End of school days?

So I went to my college to get my books and supplies for next quarter which starts in a couple of weeks. Since I have student loans, I use that money to pay for those things before the quarter starts. As I'm going to checkout, the bookstore clerk tells me there's no money on my account and so I have to speak with financial aid. So with husband in tow, we went to the student services to wait in annoyance to get this money put on my account. I get called in and I proceed to speak with the counselor. What everyone failed to tell me is per my college's financial aid policy, once you reach a certain point they will suspend your financial aid, simply because it's like ok, you've taken the maximum amount of credits for your particular program . Of course if I wish to continue on with my education, without the loans, I can do so, however I don't have the luxury of disposable income to do so like most independent students don't. So per the financial aid advisor, I now need to file an appeal. I won't find out what their judgement is until the 2nd. In this appeal I need to explain why I want to continue school and use the rest of the loan money to take care of it. Granted, I have successfully passed all classes needed in order to graduate with my general studies associates, however I did want to take these classes for two-fold: one- the classes I took next quarter would either ensure that I stick with my plan, or give me confidence in changing my degree program. And two- it would allow me by staying in school to at least defer my loan for a little longer than 6 mos, whereas if I graduate, I have 6 mos from the end of classes before I have to start paying. I think the worst part is waiting for resolution. What makes me so frustrated about this is we as a society are set on the belief that from the time we are little we should know what we want to do for the rest of our lives to be the productive citizens we're bred to be. What about people like me who have such a passion for life that we get bored so easily that it's hard to decide on one thing to do that defines us our will, rather, for the rest of our lives. Why should it be just one thing that summarizes our legacy? There's just so many interests in my life that I love and have a passion for that I just don't want to be put in one niche or place for the rest of my life. Our careers should never define who we are, it's what we do with our lives that should. And if that wasn't enough to make my heart sink, I got into it with one of my coworkers. This woman along with her niece, are two of the worst brown-nosing, two-faced, bossy, tattle-tails at my job. These two believe that if they tell you something that needs to be done, that it should be done right that minute. So the woman comes over and tells us about trash day, I tell her ok and thanks. Then this woman proceeds to hover in the house I'm working in for 5 mins, giving this look like you should do it now. So I just proceed to ignore her. Towards the end of the shift, about 15 mins left, one of the other people in the house (I'm cool with this chick), "reminds" me about the garbage, of ask if it's the woman who's behind the reminder, she says yeah and then I proceed to say that it just follows suit that she would. So she hears it and proceeds to confront me about it. So of course, you come at me like I'm beneath you and you talk to me like I'm some sort of an incompetent person. So I bring this up and then she snaps back, and says that she's not trying to be bossy, etc. I then proceed to tell her otherwise. She then storms off. I just can't stand people like that. I'm not an idiot, I know what my job entails, and I cannot stand people trying to act like my boss, especially when they don't sign my paycheck nor are my supervisor. I'm never the one to gossip about people or start problems with anyone, but don't step up to me like you wanna get mad because I'm speaking the truth. A peaceful word to my faithful readers, never let anyone come to you and put you down or talk to you like you don't know something. Always learn as much as you can about whatever you can, it makes you more cultured and intelligent, and intelligence will always not only put you above the average who want to live in mediocrity, but will also put those who are like those two women who do nothing but cause trouble in their places because their dense and have no vision of the bigger picture. And knowledge is power. Have a blessed day...

New avenues of passion.....

So school is finished for the quarter and I finally have to say that although I'm glad to be finished with the class, I still have next quarter to get through. So in this quarter I decided to sign up for some culinary courses this quarter, and yep, yours truly is starting out at the bottom. It is my hope that maybe I'll find some real passion. Now it's also my hope that when I move down to Vegas in Jan, I'll be able to sign up for the semester and take more cooking classes to continue where I left off or who knows, maybe start again. Out probably wouldn't take that long to obtain a second degree in the culinary arts. I guess it's just exciting to me to have that passion to constantly want to learn new things, whether it be a new language, skill, or just some basic education, I'm always putting what I learn to good use. It's my intention that it never stops even in this school of life, because the day you stop learning is the day you die. Never forget that faithful readers.... Have a blessed day....

Buh-Bye fatty.....

So lately, I've been angry. Life has been really making me mad. And depressed. I feel like I'm completely unsatisfied with every avenue. I've wanted to blog more and I've gotten so much busier that it seems almost impossible for me to get that accomplished and I have to take my opportunities as they come. I'm fat. I'm completely unhappy with my body. I also feel that because of these things it has taken a toll on my relationships. I just find lately that I'm irritated with everyone, but more especially Shane. This is not how it should be. I used to have this ides that once you're married, you should have this absolute connection with your spouse. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband very dearly and when he goes away I miss him when he's gone. So to add to it all this is making me sad and feel ever so slightly that I'm losing my mind. So I've decided to say goodbye to some things this weekend and honestly, I'm starting to perk up and feel better about what I've decided to let go of. First, I wanna say buh-bye to negativity. You have done nothing but make me depressed and bring me down constantly. Now I wanna say buh-bye to anger, you have made people who I hold near and dear to my heart hurt and feel strife/grief. It's not right to hurt and disrespect those we love and care about. Next I wanna say buh-bye to stress. You have done nothing but made me irritable. From now on I will leave the worry where it belongs, for another day. Will it affect me in 5 yrs? If the answer is no, it can be left alone. Finally, I want to end my goodbyes to my former before self. I will never call you fat because you were comfortable in your own skin, but now it is time for change to get to where you wanna be. Sometimes even if we're comfortable, in order to get to our next life phase, we need to get uncomfortable... So farewell to all my old security blankets, may you all rest in peace. And finally, I will say hello to my future because now, it only looks bright and blessed.... Have a blessed day.

Freedom doesn't come freely.....

and yet, everyone seems to think it does. I'm not immune from this thought from time to time, but I do appreciate from the bottom of my heart, everything our service men and women do for this country so that we are able to speak and do things freely. I often wonder do extremist groups like the westboro baptist church realize that when they protest soldiers' funerals. It makes me sad and angry at the same time that people can be so disrespectful. It just makes me wonder how a country that was founded on their belief that everyone should be able to worship the way they see fit without persecution. And with the way this country has developed with so many hate groups of this and that, groups who hate the government, groups who hate other religions because it's not the "right" religion. What the hell does all that mean? Who gave anyone the right to judge simply because it's not your way? As the quote goes, "turnabout is fair play." But enough of my tirade on the inequities of the human race, this 4th of July let's for one simple day, or even moment that it was because of people tiring of a monarchy and troops who vowed to protect this country from enemies, both foreign and domestic, that we're able to fire up our grills, light fireworks, partake in adult beverages, relish in quality time with loved ones, family, and friends. Have a blessed day and a very safe 4th of july weekend!

18 is the new 15.....

So I work a couple shifts a week at a local restaurant. I don't know if most people know this, but servers only make $2.13 an hour plus tips. So yesterday evening, I wait on a table of 6 and they were all polite but high maintenance. When it came to the end of the meal the bill was $85, the older gentleman wanted to pay. I took his payment and when he gave me the slip I looked at the tip entered on the slip, it was $6! Are you fucking kidding me?! Really? You're that cheap of a person, that you're willing to spend $85 on your family to eat, but when it comes to tipping the server who did everything, you might as well just of told me to fuck off because it wasn't worth it to pay me the 20% that I busted my ass for in taking care of you and your family. Then the rest of the night was spent alright, with everyone else giving me 20% on their tickets. Then towards the end of my  shift, I get a family of 5 who all want desserts, so fine. I get all the desserts ran my ass off, making them specialty drinks, getting refills, etc. By the time the got the bill it was $48. After they paid, I got a $3 tip! I'm telling you.... All these people who don't know how to tip need to just stay home and cook themselves. So todays words of wisdom.... Take care of ALL the people who service you, you never know when they'll cut your hair wrong, drop your food on the floor, etc. Have a blessed day....

Silly Ol' Bear.......

So this week was Shane and my anniversary! Needless to say it was very uneventful. I'm hoping that we can do something nice soon for it, considering I had to work. But last Sun, I got pulled over for doing 44 in a 25! First off I was aware I was going a bit over the speed limit, but come on! This was also taking place at 11:20 in the evening, no one was out, I had just finished working a 16-hour shift. The street that I was on has 2 different speed limit signs posted on the street. However, there were no signs to indicate when the speed changed until right before you turn the corner to go onto a different street which that speed limit is 45. First off, I did see my speedometer and I was going 40, not 44! Secondly, just this past week (Tue) I believe I saw new signs being put up from the point where I saw the sign last. This irks me slightly, because it seems to me that when you have to cities located within 15 mins of each other, one seems to be more strict than the other. Like take for example, in Omaha (my city of residence), most of the police there will pull you over for major things. But in matters of a trivial matter, i.e blinker not being used, etc. they really don't care for the most part because they are dealing with much bigger fish, than lil old small traffic issues. But yet in the small city of Bellevue, which is about 20 mins away from where in Omaha I live, it seems like the police there are more bored; so of course naturally, they want to pull you over for every little thing that you did wrong. Now, this is the first speeding ticket I've had in over 5 years. I'm less than amused. But now because of this cop who had nothing better to do than pull me over, question me on where I was headed to (which I responded "home"), where I was coming from (which I responded 16-hour shift from work), where I worked at, which site I worked at. Really? This has pertinence on me getting a ticket because why? Do I look that suspicious because of the color of my skin? Or for the simple fact that you have nothing else better to do than park yourself in a parking lot of a closed business to set up your trap to meet your quota?
     Now onto something that has come to light, well, been shining in  the light for a very long time. I've known all my life that I'm very intelligent. Always was the scholar who barely had to study for exams because everything came naturally to me. But as it turns out, when it comes to matters of common sense and remembering common daily-to-do's; I seem to be a very forgetful person. Case in point Owl, from the Winnie the Pooh stories; very intelligent and wise is he, but always seems to be forgetting the simple things. Now, most everyone in my life has never seemed to be bothered by this, but now it seems to be affecting my marriage. My husband, seems to be annoyed at his wits end with the fact that when most people remember certain things I seem to forget. Take for example, my Driver's License; since I started a job where it seems like the people I work with will go into my purse and steal things, I decided to stop carrying my purse. The potential problem with this is I don't always remember to take my id out of my worn pants/shorts and place it on the table so I remember to take it with me the next day. But it's not just that one thing, there's been occasions where I've taken items home with me because I've forgotten they were in my pockets. I remember when my mother used to be so mad at me because I forgot to clear out my pockets before they went into the wash. It's not that I don't want to remember, it just seems like even when I set myself out with the focus to remember home routines every now and then I'll forget, and it'll put my husband in a foul mood because he constantly feels like he has to remind me. It seems like this is turning into a parent-child relationship, which is making neither of us happy. Primarily because in a marriage we should both have partners we can trust who will be responsible; ones we know that if we have children, if we're at work, we know that the children will be fed, the house will be taken care of (not burned down!). I just don't know what to do. I'm also at my wits end because I feel like the child in the relationship. I'm tired of his constant reminders if I have this or that, no I don't have anything else besides x things in my pockets. If I put the trash in the bathroom so our "furry" children don't get into it, etc. I just wish that I could flip a switch and it would all be better. Maybe I write myself little post-its to constantly remind myself of the things? Or write it all on a piece of paper (i.e. schedule of days- i.e. what day of what week I do what... etc) All I know is, the sooner this improves, the sooner our relationship doesn't feel so strained...... Have a blessed day!
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. - Mark Twain

The great hunt for my ideal body....

So today, this girl I went to high school with is with a group of her girlfriends in Vegas. Lately Shane has been getting into super shape and he looks so hot! But as much as I'm proud of him, I feel like somehow I'm getting left behind in the dust. And as I'm checking on my FB, I notice the pics she's posting.... A good probably 90% of them are poolside, these people are all looking hot and sexy... Ya know, they are what I like to call the "beautiful" people. Anyways, I have to say that even though I've been losing weight, by doing nothing! Which I find funny, because I don't usually lose from doing nothing, in fact, it's gone the opposite direction usually! Well with the weather getting nicer and hotter, is just making me want what all these "beautiful" people have. The funny thing I don't wanna be rail thin, but I would like to have somewhat nice body to show off a little. Does anyone else feel the same? I know that by getting my weight into the 160's is an accomplishment within itself from where I've been, but I'm still at about 30 lbs from where I wanna be. I'm hoping with this new schedule of moving to residential, where I only work on the weekends and one weekday between school, I can get some exercise in and get a, little healthier and see some improvement in myself that I can take some awesome pics with me in a 2 piece. All I know is with as close as I am to this small loss to finally getting where I want. So here's to stepping in the right direction and here's me hitting it and getting into my two piece!

All I can do is keep moving on.....

When I was a kid, I remember having a vast imagination. I would play in the backyard pretending I was at a really exotic zoo, other times I was hosting a neighborhood carnival. There was nothing I felt would hold me back. But as I grew, so did my aspirations. When I hit 18, the world was my oyster; nothing was outside my grasp. But I notice as I'm winding down to the last quarter of my school, the more apprehensive I'm becoming about having a career. But it's not even just school, the job I'm in now seems to drone on even though there are times when the job is good and I enjoy it. But yet I feel like there is more to life than this. Everyday people are always striving it seems to be the best they can be all the while trying to make the most amount of money to make life easier. Part of this I get... Nothing I would love more than to work a simple 40 hours and be able to contribute comfortably so that my family can have a nice life. So here comes the next question, since we plan on moving to Vegas in November do I: a) quit this job and take a job that makes more money which I could easily transition to once we move? Or do I stay at this place which guarantees stability until I leave and just start anew once we move? The questions that help us to stay or go. I often think that if I am offered the job I just may take it, because I'm looking into the long run of the situation. Either way, I'm so looking to the future as that long distant past little girl with ambitions only as deep as her imagination would limit her... Which for me was none. Have a blessed day...

Destiny Unraveled

Let  me start off by saying welcome to my blog. We will be embarking on a journey together through which together we will become who we were destined to become. I hope to write about various things from my day-to-day living, special occasions, things that anger me, make me laugh, make me cry. I want to write these things all without judgment from you my faithful readers. The reason I'm being is an open book, is because if in some way it will help you with whatever you're struggling with or questioning. Now that I've told you what my blog's about, here comes the fun part: blogging! I guess the easiest thing to start with is telling you about myself. So here it goes: On a blustery Tuesday in November 8th, 1977, a baby girl was born to a mother and father. That girl is yours truly! I grew up in a low middle class neighborhood, with 2 younger sisters. I was a very introverted child. When I turned 5, I was enrolled in private school that my grandmother paid for. Needless to say being a bi-racial child (read: mexican & white) made for an interesting school life with more upper middle class brats & girls I hated, who were mean and teased yours truly on a daily basis. It was there I also became best friends with one girl who moved away after 4th grade, and one boy who left the school after 3rd grade. After that I was alone until middle of 7th grade year, when my parents had split up and my sisters and I were moved to public schools. WOW! This had really opened up my eyes. There were all kinds of races there, everyone seemed to fit in with some group, somewhere. There were no loners here. Needless to say, made alot of acquaintances there. Then my parents reconciled and now they'll be celebrating 34 yrs of marriage in July. Ended up going to Bryan Senior High School, made a few formidable friendships, one which I still talk to her every few months or so. Graduated May 1996. Met my future at the husband in September of that year. Went through many trials and tribulations in that relationship (I may reveal in another blog). For 11 years we were off and on, still all counts though! In 2007, in a civil service were married by a Judge who said he has a record of no divorces of the couples he's married. Guess we were fortunate, even though there are times I'd like to wring his neck and vice versa HA! With emotions and tempers flaring high, it's something we both couldn't handle very well. We separated in 2010 for 6 months, time served us well. Both rediscovered ourselves and realized this was the very core of what marriage truly is. We reconciled, and have been going strong so far. In fact married 4 years the 21st. We plan on moving to Nevada this year, and we're both excited for a new start in our lives. Currently, I'm working full-time and going to school full-time, which is a full plate for us both. No matter though soon enough we'll be able to rebuild into our relationship with everything that's being depleted because of no quality time. We hope to start a family next year. I guess that's me in a nutshell for now. Now you know a little about me. Nice to meet you. See you next time. Have a blessed day!






Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. - Mark Twain